A New Year and Transitions
I know that most make new year resolutions or at least meditate on doing something different. The reality for most is that it’s too much energy to see life turn a corner to do something different or better. This last week I was privileged to see my Anne retire, step away, from something she’s done for the last 6 years that she loved. Initially her beginning phase at Florence Prison as a Chaplain was a little intimidating, but after six months she become an integral part of the life of hundreds of inmates and staff.
My Anne has this uncanny gift of using her dry wit, humor, and heart to draw a person to experiencing life in the fullest way possible. She is an incredible mom, friend, sister, Pastor’s wife, Grammy, Nani, and over the last decade a chaplain who is very gifted at spiritual care. I know that one of my fears or apprehensive times will be when I step back from doing what I love over the last 40 years of my life, being a pastor, a friend, and a leader. I know deep down inside I struggle with trusting who can be faithful in loving, caring, and pushing crazy kids, teens and listening to our grandmas and grandpas in the Barrio Family.
What makes my Anne’s transition very difficult is that she can’t just go back to her unit, her office or visit her special staff friends. She turned her badge back into the DW’s office and could visit on occasion, volunteer, or become an axillary Chaplain. I have had to temper my Anne over her work with the DOC because of daily injustices she witnesses at Florence. Just the ideological purpose of prison becomes an issue with lots of staff and even the key leaders. The State of Arizona actually changed the name to reflect an interest in seeing inmate’s lives transformed and rehabilitated.
I know that ultimately, we both must trust God with stepping back and letting others be more involved and become the leaders that will be the glue and goo of the lives of those we dearly love. I will be the first to confess to the fact that I struggle with letting go and trusting a few to show the care and love to our barrio kids, teens, and grandmas. I’ve been part of 6 churches in my life and have had to transition out of all of them from youth pastor, family pastor to church planter.
As one of my teens would always say, ‘The Struggle is Real’. I will always remember the tension with my son and his growing up, moving out of the house and yes, graduating from ASU. Looking back, I knew that there would be a day when he as a dad would better understand my life and the daily challenge of being there and caring for your kiddos, regardless of whether they appreciated it.
Presently, I love my life and the freedom to do many different things that give me a sense of God’s direction, presence, and blessing. I will face the fact that I’m getting older and that doing concrete work in 5 years will be less ‘fun’ or doable. Much like watching my Anne, aka Nani/Grammy, life up a 40-pound grandson is a back breaker. I can’t promise that I will step back from seeing my kids, teens as they grow into adulthood. I will have moments of wow and agh, whether that’s being at a graduation from High School, College or hearing that one of my teens, young adults is in a tough dilemma. Life is truly an incredible gift from God that is amazingly awesome!